The awakening I had in 2015 turned into a nightmare. At first it was smooth sailing. I was happier knowing that I was making it all up. Life was easier, I attached less to thought and generally felt good and whole for the first time in a long time. I was no longer depressed or anxious all the time. I was not overthinking and when I was it was easy to see the “it’s all an innocent illusion” trap. I was able to just let it pass knowing I was whole and that my thoughts were just me painting in the moment.
My thoughts which had been a tropical downpour were now big fat drops with lots of room in between. I saw people differently and felt love and compassion for everything and everyone in my life. Life was good and I saw Truth everywhere, and in all.
Fast forward to THIS S^&T IS SO EFFEN HARD!
Waking up to the fact that the last 35 years or so I had been living in an illusion/ lie sucked. Of course we live in a cause and effect (outside in) world, I am upset because of YOU! You are my Boss, Girlfriend/Boyfriend, Wife/Husband, idiot Driver who just cut me off, the Bank, the utility company, the weather, my hunger, my cat, my lack of sleep. It made sense! I was not responsible for my reality, you were. You made me react to this or that in a certain way. It was your fault that I am all messed up, depressed, riddled with insecurity and crippling anxiety, your fault I am afraid, your fault I can’t commit, your fault I can’t love. You did this to me. I blame you, I fear you, I hate you. It is not my fault, you did this to me. You made me who I am! This is easy, this was comforting this made sense, until it didn’t.
Seeing a glimpse of Truth is HARD. It shakes you to your core and shatters all your preconceptions of life. Knowing that I am the sole creator of my Reality has taken away all the excuses. Really, I barked at my son/daughter and it is my fault not theirs. DAMN! This shit is hard. Have a paper due, can’t get an extension, my fault not theirs. I am in a low mental state and depressed yet again, DAMN! I am the one making up my reality as I go along. It’s my paintbrush, my palette, not yours. Get your own. You mean I have to take full ownership of everything I say and do at ALL times and nothing outside of me can truly affect me?
DAMN THIS S^&T IS HARD!
Truth changes you. No more hiding behind “it’s not my fault” or worse “it is your fault” When you see that there are really no exceptions, things change, once that damn light goes on there is no going back. Once you see how it works the genie is out of the bottle.
I want to shout it from the mountaintop, this will change the world, open your eyes, look within, you truly are the innocent creator of your reality. This is the Truth we are all searching for. You have been living in an innocently created illusion. Look inside, feel it, you know there is a bigger truth.
Little by little, day by day.
Love to all, it’s a wonderful, wonderful world.